my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize