When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize