Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
