you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
