I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
