I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
