I want to make a zoo with you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
