the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
