): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
