haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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