Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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