guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
