____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
babies were throwing up all over the place
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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