just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
