I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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