Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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