i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
