Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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