My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
