please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
In America we eat man semen.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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