he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
