sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
