it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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