We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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