found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
