no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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