my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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