oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
