you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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