GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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