i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
