I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize