the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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