Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
