I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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