there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
