she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
