You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
