Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
