so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
