I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
