what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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