she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Boobs speak an international language.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
