Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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