were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
