fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize