I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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