I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
