whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
