You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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