Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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