"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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