It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
