I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
