his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
