I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
