Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize