I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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