The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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