currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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