But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
